This isn’t exactly some kind of confession but honestly I’ve been thinking about you these past few days. Silly, right? Stay awake in the middle of the night, while remembering our sweet slash cute moments together. Well if we can called those as moments. And to make it worse I kept listening to Wendy - Because I Love You. The lyrics are kind of telling how I’m feeling about you. Well not all of it, just some part like "I miss you but I can’t go close to you, I need to leave you now. You, who gave me such big and warm love into my lonely and dry eyes". And "I am only giving you scars but some day, you will understand my heart".
I never knew that I could harbor some feeling for you,
because in the beginning of our friendship we always fight. Even the smallest
things would make us argue for hours and then we would ignore each others
presence for days. You always dislike my actions, calling me names and probably
thought that I’m an evil witch. Because of that, we didn’t spoke for months. Our
pride made us unwilling to say sorry first. But in the end, you were the first
to apologize and you said let’s not fight anymore. May be you were tired with
our childish arguments but I knew the reason why’d you apologizing. And it made
me a little bit disappointed actually.
Despite the fact that we were in peace, still we couldn’t
act friendly towards each other. Few months after that, I got into a
relationship and what strange was that we’ve become closer. At first you haven’t
know that I had a boyfriend and that boyfriend was our senior. Did you remember
the first time you held my hand? I can say that was happened in the wrong time
and wrong place. Our whole class was gathered at a friend’s house and we were
sitting side by side. But that was so cute, we were playing a foolish game and
suddenly you held my hand and when I was trying to detach our hands, you kept
holding it. It was a secret we would never tell anyone well until now. Hehehehe.
And did you remember our moments in the beach? Running around together just like in the movies,
talked about unimportant things but those were like dreams came true for me
because those things happened in the beach, a really perfect place for all
romantic things. You even searched for beautiful seashells and then gave its to me. I was so happy
that I forgot those seashells were still alive and after a week in my room,
those seashells rot and made my bedroom smell so bad. I got scold by my sister
because of that. Hahahaha. I told you about that seashells incident and you
said next time you would give me the dead ones. You’ve already know that I had
a boyfriend and I was wondering why’d you still wanted to do those things for
me. Well I still wonder now.
The most memorable moment for me was the one that happened
in New Year’s eve. I’ve just broke up with my boyfriend and I was feeling so
heart-broken. But there you are, with your shining armor came to rescue me (omg
I’m so cheesy). You were the very first person that knew about the broke up
thing. You listened so intently to every word that I’ve said and just asked “why”?
You know what I like about you is you’ve always so rational. You didn’t take
sides and the most important is you didn’t judge. I’m so grateful that you were
there when I needed someone to pour out my frustration.
Lots of moments we’ve been through together, but that didn’t
make our relationship became more special. We were still the awkward friends
that never text each other but could have a very deep conversation when we
were feeling like it. And separation indeed grew us apart, even though it was
just a short one. When we met again, the only words you’ve said was “I heard that
you’ve closed with someone”. I didn’t know how to react, I’ve no idea that you’ve
hurt but I was trying to convince you that I wasn’t close with anyone, through
my gestures of course.
I know I was selfish the moment I decided to have a
relationship (again) with someone else, I never considered how you would feel
about that. But like everyone said, you never made a move and how long should I
wait until you realized that we were more than just friends. I was happy with
that someone (really happy actually), then you were trying to find your own
happiness. I never knew your motives nor I accused you for trying to make me
jealous but it was kind of hard to accept the fact you’ve already found a
happiness but without me in the picture.
I just want to thank you for always being there when I needed
shoulders to lean on because I never said thank you to you right? And to think
back to all those years, I never expected you’ll still stand with your
happiness. May be we never meant to each other and may be you need something to
trigger you to find your own happiness. After all I’m so happy for both of you
and I know you’ll treat your happiness right. Oh I don’t need to mention any
names because once you read this, you’ll know that I’m talking about you my-not-so-unrequited
crush. I did have a feeling for you or still do? I don't understand but every time I rewind all those memories, I'm feeling all warm inside. Those moments are priceless.
